No Great Expectations

At this point, I’m so used to expecting nothing and difficulty in all interactions. That sounds cynical, but it’s really been good for me. I don’t take things for granted, like finding where I’m going, asking for directions, food that’s supposed to taste a certain way. I wonder what it’ll be like to order “cheese fries” or “Hawaiian pizza” and know exactly how it will come out, unlike here, when I’ve gotten garlic fries and pineapple, ham, and green olives instead.

I had a heart attack the first time I saw my water bill for what looked like ¥3,300, before my assistant told me that it was really ¥33.

I’ve ordered what looked like eggplant and turned out to be fish. I ordered two vegetable dishes because I was in a rush and ended up with three meal’s worth of food. My plain crackers turned out to be seaweed and wasabi-flavored. My noodles were actually squid. What I thought was lemon jam turned out to be citron tea.

Even familiar packaging does not mean familiar product. I’ve smothered sticky “Johnson & Johnson” on my arm before school, only to find out that it’s body wash in a misleading container. The toilet paper I bought feels right but was tall as paper-towels, with no cardboard roll in the middle. My “Herbal Essences” runs like liquid and my “Colgate” froths uncontrollably.

At this point, though, I’m used to it. I expect nothing. But better than that, I’m starting to appreciate the unpredictability of my life here. Everything I try is a gamble. I’ve looked at maps from the subway to where I’m going, drawing myself a map and counting just three streets, two rights and a left. Simple, right?

Fourty-five minutes later, I’m stopping on the side of hutongs (old Chinese houses), showing the address in Chinese characters to anyone who might or might not be able to read, and going just by thumb points to vague directions. Apparently what looks like a street to my eyes is really just a hutong-ally that doesn’t even show up on maps.
Eventually, though, I found the tiny theater I was looking for, down an ally, distinguished by one tiny flyer. There is no success like a success from inside China as an English-speaking expat.

I don’t know how I’ll handle when my destinations are as exact as the north-west corner of 1st and 5th.