They Do Exist

After trying to find people from weliveinbeijing.com, I joined the “lesbians in Beijing” group. Of 5 members, one was a guy, and the rest were 16-18 yr-old self-identified bi girls. Basically, I’m the only lesbian in Beijing. I put up a profile just saying that I’m here in a relationship and looking for friends and the lesbian night life, if it exists here. The only messages I got were from shady men letting me know they have a girlfriend who’s interested in getting us all together or just stating, (and this is verbatim): “hi sweet dear very nice pic would you like to make friendship with me?” or “i’m not a girl but may i know that are you interested in boys too.”

I’d pretty much given up hope when I met Sarah. She’s a friend of another teacher from my school. He’d be promising me for months that he knew a lesbian, and would connect us. After 4 months and 4 failed attempts at meeting up, I was betting money that she was a lie he constructed to keep some hope alive for me.

Luckily, I was wrong. Sarah’s an ethnically Chinese lesbian from San Fran who’s been living here long enough to speak the language. Aka, she’s a gold mind find. More importantly, she’s a really sweet and awesome human, which is even rarer.

I was more than excited when Sarah invited me and my friend Roxanne to hot pot dinner with her friends. Just sitting at the long table with mostly gay and lesbian crowd was like Christmas for me. I just kept thinking, “Where have you been for the last seven months?” Overhearing phrases from girls like, “My girlfriend is in Shanghai” or “We…” with the implication being another girl, was intensely refreshing for me.

It was because of this crowd and the warm and fuzzies I had from finally finding a community that I agreed to go with them to Destination. Destination is the “premier gay club” in Beijing, the only one even included in guidebooks. The club did not disappoint. I was absolutely shell-shocked by the people inside. The club is two floors, at least five rooms on each floor, and each of which were absolutely packed. I may never see so many gay Chinese men in my life.

It was new to me, because I’m mostly out at Lao wai (ex-pat) clubs dancing with foreigners. It’s not, but in some way in my brain I was thinking, “This is how Chinese people go out.” Regardless of the culture shock, I was amazed at the sheer number. All the lesbians in Beijing could barely fill my living room, but here just out on any regular Saturday night were gay men as far as the eye can see.

Different country, different side of the world, same problem. Come out, come out, wherever you are!