My own assistant, L, threw herself a “western” wedding. Chinese people, in my opinion, do marriage right. First they get married, legally. Then, months or a year later, they have wedding photos taken. These are incredibly elaborate, often taking an entire day, many wardrobe changes, and indoor and outdoor locations. (L said that hers lasted until midnight and was exhausting).
Lastly, after years of actually being married, the couple has a wedding. In my opinion, this order of events would help Americans escape the Bride-as-Princess phenomenon that in my opinion has led to so many early marriages (and early divorces) in our generation.
The other brilliant move on L’s part was having two weddings. The Traditional Chinese one was in her hometown and completely controlled by her parents. All she had to do was show up.
The wedding in Beijing that I attended had no family at all. It was just friends and classmates of the bride and groom, and L could do it all her way.
Even so, she seemed to be more exhausted by the process than excited. When we showed up on the day, she was plopped down in a chair, fanning herself. L, who never complains no matter what is happening at school and what she’s asked to do, looked up at me and moaned, “I cannot stand. How will I walk down the aisle?” When she said that she’d be glad when it was all over, I knew she meant it. It was strange to see a bride just before her wedding, in the perfect white sparkly dress , who wasn’t beaming as if it was the best day of her life. At the end she said, “I’m super exhausted. I don’t want to get married again.” Unfortunately for her, this was just her first wedding of two.
I’m not suggesting that we take away the dream of anyone who wants to have their wedding their day, and make it as special as it should be for them. This, just like everything else over here, was just a totally different experience.
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